WALLY CLEAVER PROMOTES THE DAILY USE OF HAIR-CARE PRODUCTS......JOHNNY SUEDE HAD 'NOTHIN' ON THIS GREASY POMPADOUR

    OR, SO CLAIMED TONY, DECADES LATER.......

SPEED YOUR WAY THROUGH CUSTOMS INSPECTION ....QUICKLY BOARD AND EXIT PLANES AND TRAINS....WITH OUR NEW SUITCASE.....

 

                                               AS WELL AS KEEP YOUR BEER COLD... 

                                            AND YOUR ICED CREAM FROM MELTING

In 1956, this 45rpm 'record player' was utilized by my Ballroom Dancing teacher, Miss Irene Jones, to stack and play Xavier Cugat's rumba records.....

        Parents complained about their 'innocent' children being led down a path

          of debauchery and pre-mature Sexuality, leading to a worried parent cutting

         the a/c plug of Miss Irene's  turntable/player, then breaking one of my favorite recordings, 

                                  "Miami Beach Rhumba".           

None of that 'hip-grinding', kids!.....  Jumpin' Jacks is O.K and sanctioned by the Christian Community...  but, be careful...all that jumping may cause the record to 'skip'.....

                               Beaver Cleaver will show you all how 'it' is done!     

Tuck that 'thing' and lock hips, kids.....it's gonna be a clumbsy, unsanctioned, anticipatory wait for those back seat rumbas....to come! A big orchid corsage should, until then, help 'keep the distance'....

XENOCRONY

maybe you should mute the LOOP-A-LOOP music's volume, although Frank, perhaps, would not.....

from Joe's Garage to Joe's Corsage, Frank ZaPPA, dying 17 days before his 53rd birthday, left behind a treasure labyrinth of partially finished and unrealized projects and compositions, largely still unrezappaed or posthumously re-released in their various incarnations and reformats...it's up to son, Dweezil, and widow, Gail, to re-represent the great rock and roll genius of "St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast", "Inca Roads" and variations on "Weasels ripped my Flesh"......Perhaps a Flo and Eddy revival tour is in the works, and his Varesian works will soon load concert halls with marimba variations for dickpicks and re-recorded 8 tracks from the Grand Wazoo.....I recently obtained some vintage recordings at the neighborhood garage sale event....The "seller" was dumping all of her ex-husband's
"awful....dreadful..obnoxious....records"......
"You actually LIKE this trash?" she asked!
"Just take them, then...Yuk!..Give me a buck!".
....different strokes, I guess....
I'm always gathering up the cosmic debris.....it's the stuff we're really made of, isn't it?

MY FIRST WRIST WATCH THAT DID NOT FEATURE A COMIC BOOK HERO ON ITS FACE......

 

I WAS GIVEN A GOLD-FILLED, 17-JEWELS,  ELGIN WATCH, PERFECTLY SCALED TO LOOK GREAT ON MY SCRAWNY LITTLE WRIST WHEN I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL...........   I GAVE THE WATCH TO SOMEONE WITH WHOM I WAS INFATUATED, DURING COLLEGE DAYS.......YESTERDAY, MY EYES FOCUSED ON THE IDENTICAL WATCH MODEL, WORN BY T. CHALAMET, AS  MARTY SUPREME,  IN THE RECENT FILM.......

MY FIRST 78RPM 'Record Player'......The SPEAR, MODEL 400.......then 'onward and upward'......In pursuit of the 'Perfect Sound Reproduction'

                  INITIATED MY INTEREST IN PRE-RECORDED MUSIC....AND 'RECORD COLLECTING'.......A BOX OF 'REPLACEMENT' STEEL NEEDLES WERE AVAILABLE AT WOOLWORTHS.   THIS OLD TIN MACHINE WAS REPLACED, IN THE 1950'S, WITH A FAR MORE HI-TECH, PORTABLE RCA 'SUITCASE' VICTROLA; THEN, A MORE FASHIONABLE WESTINGHOUSE 'SOCK HOP' PLAYER; THEN A 'STATE OF THE ART'  G.E. 33 1/3RPM "STEREO" MODEL,  WITH 'DUAL,SWING OUT SPEAKERS" IN 1962......LEADING TO 'COMPONENT STEREOS' IN THE MIDDLE 1960'S.....4-CHANNEL SOUND IN THE 1970'S....AND, EVENTUALLY, TO MULTI-COMPONENT "SYSTEMS" WITH MAGNETIC PHONO CARTRIDGES WITH ELLIPTICAL STYLI... AND SUB-WOOFERS.....AND FINALLY, ..... 'MONSTER' SYSTEMS FEATURING ELECTROSTATIC PANELS AND PHASE-ARRAYED MULTI-AMPED CONE AND HORN SPEAKERS WITH 15", AND LARGER, BUTYL RUBBER-SURROUND-WOOFERS WITH HEAVY 'MAGNETS', WOODEN 'HORN' MIDRANGES AND 'BAT'S EARS' HYPERBOLIC TWEETER DRIVERS..... AS WELL AS  COMPLEX ARRAYS OF 'INPUTS' AND 'OUTPUTS' AND THEIR MANY CABLES AND OPTICAL CONNECTORS....FOR 'REALISTIC SOUND PROCESSING'........   

DOES ANYONE ''STILL HAVE TONSILS....OR ADENOIDS"?

               WHEN  I WAS A KID, DOCTORS WOULD SUMMARILY PRESCIBE THE 'REMOVAL OF BOTH TONSILS AND ADENOIDS'......MOST ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS WOULD HAVE HAD BOTH 'SETS'  OF THESE CONSTANTLY BACTERIAL-INFESTED TISSUES REMOVED....USUALLY, BEFORE 3RD GRADE.......NEVERTHELESS, IF YOU ARE STILL BURDENED BY THESE RELICS OF OUR ANCIENT IMMUNE SYSTEMS......THERE'S A HANDY, DO-IT-YOURSELF KIT FOR EXTRACTING TONSIL STONES.....YOUR ADENOIDS, ALAS, WILL REQUIRE SOME PROFESSIONAL MICRODEBRIDING WITH CURETTE-SCRAPING, A SHEARING BY ROTATING RAZOR BLADE OR  ELECTROCAUTERY/COBLATION.   SURGEONS MAY OFFER  DEEP THROAT DISCOUNTS, WHEN THESE PROCEDURES ARE SCHEDULED WITH FORESKIN CIRCUMCISION OR EAR & NASAL PIERCING.....

MY POTTERY/SCULPTURE CLASS RUBENESQUE PORTRAIT OF ALISON MCLAUGHLIN, SEATED....HANGING OUT WITH AN AUSTRIAN, ART NOUVEAU 'NAKED LADY' CUT FLOWER/STEM HOLDER ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE

Who's the 'culprit' that sent me this Religious 'Self-Help' Book? You should have sent me the jewelled Jesus Brooch!

  

I received, via mail, from an anonymous 'sender', a  copy of Matthew Kelly's "Holy Moments, A Handbook for the Rest of Your Life."…

Let's see.....'Who would have sent this proselytizing book to me??