my conceptual 'instruments' drawn in Soest Holland, 50 years ago........

 

Edith Massey, Vintage Clothier...on the Thrifty Side of Baltimore.....aka Queen Carlotta, The Egg Lady and Subversive Baltimore Dreamlander

                THE QUEEN OF FELLS POINT...... 

WHOLESALE SUPPLIER OF BLACK LEATHER JACKETS FOR LOCAL FAG HAGS AND BUTCH DOLLS.....

EAT YOUR HEART OUT, HEIDI KLUM.....FOR THAT BUSTY BLACK, SHOESTRING-LACED GETUP, FEATURED IN THE PHOTO ABOVE......AND YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE FOR THAT MUUMUU, MAMA CASS....  MAYBE, YOU SHOULD KEPT $12 FROM YOUR DRUGS BUDGET INSTEAD OF DREAMING A LITTLE DREAM WITH THAT NEEDLE UP YOUR VEIN....."Well, Rah sha sha" FROM CUDDLES KOVINSKY.....THOSE TRIPLE-A  SHOES WERE WAAY  TOO TIGHT, ANYWAY!   

PUT  HARD-BOILED EGGS IN THEIR HEEL CUPS, GIRL! 

VAMPIRE BAT BOTTLE OPENER......

 

From mind Chaos, via Explosiveness, to Static Wall Art with Token Memory..

.

.for some blah blap crap to print on a wall card at a Kindergartener's supercilious Art Show.. Candy Crayons and Kool-Aid will be served to patrons, in exchange for their tickets-of-admission, which will be summarily shredded and made into glued-paper art, then sold back to them.......facsimile hammers and nails will be provided to provide the pretentiousnes of hanging this "art"...or, blow torches for the Banksyites.....who may exit through the giftshop with Shepard Fairey, carrying the ashes of 

Marshall McLuhan, preserved in a mayonnaise jar.....in melted crayon wax...

OVER A CENTURY AGO, THIS ONE-WHEELED MOTORCYCLE ACHIEVED SPEEDS OF OVER 90MPH.....

         "BACK WHEN" MEN CYCLED WITH THEIR STETSON'S 'ON'....LIKE 'REAL COWBOYS'...OR....SHOULD ONE CALL THIS FELLOW A 'BUCKING BRONCO'.....OR, MAYBE, THE ORIGINAL CONCEPTUALIZATION FOR  THE HULA HOOP?

                                      BEFORE THE MECHANICAL FOOT CRANKING...WAY BEFORE THE GASOLINE ENGINE,  CENTURIES BEFORE, GUYS WERE FINDING WAYS TO UTILIZE 'THE WHEEL'....       

MY STEP-FATHER, TOM, IN A MOMENT OF SPONTANEOUS GENEROSITY.......

                   GAVE ME ONE OF HIS MANY SHEAFFER SNORKEL PENS AND A BOTTLE OF PERMANENT INDIA INK.  (SOURCING FOR MY FIRST SPILLED 'INK BLOT' CREATIONS, INCIDENTALLY)   I WAS, ALREADY,  A 'SCRIPTO' MECHANICAL PENCIL-USING LAD WHO HAD JUST BEGUN TO UTILIZE AN EARLIER GIFT...MY WATERMAN PEN THAT HAD REPLACED AN EVEN EARLIER PEN WITH A CRACKED & LEAKING GLASS INK CARTRIDGE.....AFTER I COMPLAINED ABOUT THOSE 'BALL POINT' PENS' BALLS GETTING CLOGGED WITH THE THICK INK, REQUIRING A LIT MATCH AND A DUNKING IN  WATER/ALCOHOL   TO GET THEM FLOWING ONCE MORE.....FRUSTRATINGLY, I KEPT ANOTHER ANTIQUE GLASS  'INKWELL' OF WARM WATER TO UNCLOG THE NEWER WRITING DEVICE.....TODAY, I MUST HAVE AT LEAST 50 DIFFERING INK DELIVERY INSTRUMENTS, INCLUDING ROLLER BALLS, FELT TIPS, QUILL PENS WITH VARIOUS METAL TIPS.....BUT, AS MUCH AS I ENJOY CALLIGRAPHIC "WRITING"....HERE, I SIT, TYPING ON AN ELECTRONIC KEYBOARD!         

ALEC BALDWIN, DURING HIS EARLY DAYS.......TRYING OUT FOR THE 'BEFORE PHOTO' IN A "NAIR" DEPILATORY CREAM ADVERTISEMENT

CULLING ALL THIS DENSE CHEST FUR WOULD HAVE TAKEN A CASE OF "NAIR"

HE'D HAVE BEEN A SHOE-IN FOR THE ROLE OF 'LIONEL SWEENEY'...

HOWEVER, THAT 'HAIRY ROLE' WENT TO ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

LOAD 'EM UP, NOAH......FOR THAT INCESTUOUS OCEAN VACATION, FOLLOWED BY A ROMP ALL OVER THE NEW WORLD...

 YOUR  VACATION, WITH  FREE  FOOD  AND  LODGINGS,  IS  OVER....   NOW,  'GET  OUT  THERE... AND  MULTIPLY'   ....AFTER  THAT,  YOU  MAY  BEGIN  YOUR  'DIVISION'    

          

CENTURIES LATER, THE HOMO SAPIENS THAT  EVOLVE FROM THE TWO RELATIVELY HUMAN SURVIVORS OF THIS TRIP WILL, EVENTUALLY...THROUGH ELABORATE CROSS-BREEDING....CREATE ART, DEPICTING THIS HOMERIAN SAGA...

                   BON VOYAGE, YE SOLE SURVIVORS....NEXT STOP....PLYMOUTH ROCK, WHERE A LAVA FLOW IS PREDICTED TO EMERGE, SOON!  ....CALL A LOCAL TRAVEL AGENT FOR DETAILS AND SPECIAL DISCOUNTS...JUST FOR YOU...[AND COMPLIMENTARY PASSAGE FOR EXPERIENCED 'FIRE WALKERS']!  [ADDITIONAL CHARGES MAY APPLY]   TRAVEL VIA WOODEN HORSE IS NOT SUGGESTED, DUE TO A THREAT OF  'FIRE HAZARD'

I've complained about American's preoccupation with guns and rights to "personal defense".......yet....i just recalled my having collecting art deco/Flash Gordonish ray-guns as a child......however, the old 'make believe' toys didn't seem as formidably life-threatening.....

 

              No, Ted!......That's not what I'm talking about, you dolt!

 I'm 'talking about' this!   A KID NEEDS A 'SHAKESPEARE WONDERCAST STUNRAY GUN'                                                TO WARD OFF EVEN THE MOST IMPOTENTIAL ATTACKERS, DOESN'T HE?   

The "MYSTERY OBJECT"

                    A gift to me, from my old friend, John Ross West, 4 decades ago......I am, still, not certain of it's original purpose.......It is, I think, a very ancient iron 'Viking' gate(?) lock, perhaps.....the 'key' to which is stuck within the lock.....

AS TRIBUTE TO THE YEARS THAT WE'VE ENDURED ALL OF DONALD TRUMP'S SHIT.......

I think I'll have this 3 kilo Jurassic Era coprolite specimen (petrified dinosaur dung) mounted on a base with a label: 'souvenir of Donald Trump's most significant contribution to American Culture'......the 'odor' may be gone....yet....we will never forget this piece of sh&t.......like some childhood nightmares....the Ogre, hiding beneath the bed or Count Alucard, lurking in the closet.. All the 'graininess' will represent the many jars of chunky peanut butter that Donny has consumed........

AS GOLLUM LOOKS BACK INTO IT'S CAVE BUT TRIPS FORWARD INTO THE VOLCANO, ERUPTING WITHIN THE CHASM BETWEEN CAIN AND ABEL...

 

cleaning the "Gollum' sculpture, today, I moved some old picture frames....to discover a big poster for the French Film, Fantastic Planet, and a pair of fake fish to complement Sméagol's 'catch'..as it falls into the Crack Of Doom, with the golden ring, a metaphorical gift to its monstrous cousin, Grendal......

Keeping the 'bidding card' in my lap for these fanciful goblets

I was....just a 'little'......tempted, to purchase this Set of 3 Antique Fritz Heckert Art Nouveau/Jugenstil Glass Goblets.....But reconsidered, because I'm trying to 'wind down' this Collecting........ and...I already have a set of Frederick Carder goblets, once owned by my one-time landlady, Alma B. Wells, that can service my dining appurtenances requirement, now......and have more sentimental value....A good friend attended Alma B. Wells' Estate Sale, in the early 1970's, bid on and won the auction of the glasses, then gifted them to me for X'mas...Alma's husband Bert, a chemist with the Chemical Control Dept. of COCA COLA, presented a 'paper' ....in the summer of 1942....about the establishment of 'water quality control' for the popular soft drink....He was, subsequently,  one of the few men that 'knew the secret formula'....His wife, Alma, delighted with all their new-found-wealth....served 'coke' from these lovely goblets at one of her 'society parties'....I prefer Dr. Pepper and Pepsi, alas....sorry about that, Alma! sparkling ginger ale is far more beautiful, when served in the goblets, of course....with a a coupe of splashs of Angostura Aromatic Bitters....and a cherry on a toothpick.....Although I did not support "COKE", Alma left a Proviso in her Last Will and Testament......that included me within her list of 'Inheritors", after having replaced late 30's year-old Bill Ellis, with whom she had been infatuated, earlier.  He left Atlanta, to avoid Alma's fixated romantic advances toward him,  and moved to Hilton Head, leaving me to dwell..with Bill Mello and John W. Lowe, in her Garden Hills rental home, to wrangle Alma, who had replaced Bill Ellis with Me!.   With some fond amusement and nostalgia, I still...sometimes, salute  Bert and Alma, when imbibing from the old goblets.....

WALLY CLEAVER PROMOTES THE DAILY USE OF HAIR-CARE PRODUCTS......JOHNNY SUEDE HAD 'NOTHIN' ON THIS GREASY POMPADOUR

    OR, SO CLAIMED TONY, DECADES LATER.......

SPEED YOUR WAY THROUGH CUSTOMS INSPECTION ....QUICKLY BOARD AND EXIT PLANES AND TRAINS....WITH OUR NEW SUITCASE.....

 

                                               AS WELL AS KEEP YOUR BEER COLD... 

                                            AND YOUR ICED CREAM FROM MELTING

In 1956, this 45rpm 'record player' was utilized by my Ballroom Dancing teacher, Miss Irene Jones, to stack and play Xavier Cugat's rumba records.....

        Parents complained about their 'innocent' children being led down a path

          of debauchery and pre-mature Sexuality, leading to a worried parent cutting

         the a/c plug of Miss Irene's  turntable/player, then breaking one of my favorite recordings, 

                                  "Miami Beach Rhumba".           

None of that 'hip-grinding', kids!.....  Jumpin' Jacks is O.K and sanctioned by the Christian Community...  but, be careful...all that jumping may cause the record to 'skip'.....

                               Beaver Cleaver will show you all how 'it' is done!     

Tuck that 'thing' and lock hips, kids.....it's gonna be a clumbsy, unsanctioned, anticipatory wait for those back seat rumbas....to come! A big orchid corsage should, until then, help 'keep the distance'....

XENOCRONY

maybe you should mute the LOOP-A-LOOP music's volume, although Frank, perhaps, would not.....

from Joe's Garage to Joe's Corsage, Frank ZaPPA, dying 17 days before his 53rd birthday, left behind a treasure labyrinth of partially finished and unrealized projects and compositions, largely still unrezappaed or posthumously re-released in their various incarnations and reformats...it's up to son, Dweezil, and widow, Gail, to re-represent the great rock and roll genius of "St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast", "Inca Roads" and variations on "Weasels ripped my Flesh"......Perhaps a Flo and Eddy revival tour is in the works, and his Varesian works will soon load concert halls with marimba variations for dickpicks and re-recorded 8 tracks from the Grand Wazoo.....I recently obtained some vintage recordings at the neighborhood garage sale event....The "seller" was dumping all of her ex-husband's
"awful....dreadful..obnoxious....records"......
"You actually LIKE this trash?" she asked!
"Just take them, then...Yuk!..Give me a buck!".
....different strokes, I guess....
I'm always gathering up the cosmic debris.....it's the stuff we're really made of, isn't it?

MY FIRST WRIST WATCH THAT DID NOT FEATURE A COMIC BOOK HERO ON ITS FACE......

 

I WAS GIVEN A GOLD-FILLED, 17-JEWELS,  ELGIN WATCH, PERFECTLY SCALED TO LOOK GREAT ON MY SCRAWNY LITTLE WRIST WHEN I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL...........   I GAVE THE WATCH TO SOMEONE WITH WHOM I WAS INFATUATED, DURING COLLEGE DAYS.......YESTERDAY, MY EYES FOCUSED ON THE IDENTICAL WATCH MODEL, WORN BY T. CHALAMET, AS  MARTY SUPREME,  IN THE RECENT FILM.......

MY FIRST 78RPM 'Record Player'......The SPEAR, MODEL 400.......then 'onward and upward'......In pursuit of the 'Perfect Sound Reproduction'

                  INITIATED MY INTEREST IN PRE-RECORDED MUSIC....AND 'RECORD COLLECTING'.......A BOX OF 'REPLACEMENT' STEEL NEEDLES WERE AVAILABLE AT WOOLWORTHS.   THIS OLD TIN MACHINE WAS REPLACED, IN THE 1950'S, WITH A FAR MORE HI-TECH, PORTABLE RCA 'SUITCASE' VICTROLA; THEN, A MORE FASHIONABLE WESTINGHOUSE 'SOCK HOP' PLAYER; THEN A 'STATE OF THE ART'  G.E. 33 1/3RPM "STEREO" MODEL,  WITH 'DUAL,SWING OUT SPEAKERS" IN 1962......LEADING TO 'COMPONENT STEREOS' IN THE MIDDLE 1960'S.....4-CHANNEL SOUND IN THE 1970'S....AND, EVENTUALLY, TO MULTI-COMPONENT "SYSTEMS" WITH MAGNETIC PHONO CARTRIDGES WITH ELLIPTICAL STYLI... AND SUB-WOOFERS.....AND FINALLY, ..... 'MONSTER' SYSTEMS FEATURING ELECTROSTATIC PANELS AND PHASE-ARRAYED MULTI-AMPED CONE AND HORN SPEAKERS WITH 15", AND LARGER, BUTYL RUBBER-SURROUND-WOOFERS WITH HEAVY 'MAGNETS', WOODEN 'HORN' MIDRANGES AND 'BAT'S EARS' HYPERBOLIC TWEETER DRIVERS..... AS WELL AS  COMPLEX ARRAYS OF 'INPUTS' AND 'OUTPUTS' AND THEIR MANY CABLES AND OPTICAL CONNECTORS....FOR 'REALISTIC SOUND PROCESSING'........   

DOES ANYONE ''STILL HAVE TONSILS....OR ADENOIDS"?

               WHEN  I WAS A KID, DOCTORS WOULD SUMMARILY PRESCIBE THE 'REMOVAL OF BOTH TONSILS AND ADENOIDS'......MOST ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS WOULD HAVE HAD BOTH 'SETS'  OF THESE CONSTANTLY BACTERIAL-INFESTED TISSUES REMOVED....USUALLY, BEFORE 3RD GRADE.......NEVERTHELESS, IF YOU ARE STILL BURDENED BY THESE RELICS OF OUR ANCIENT IMMUNE SYSTEMS......THERE'S A HANDY, DO-IT-YOURSELF KIT FOR EXTRACTING TONSIL STONES.....YOUR ADENOIDS, ALAS, WILL REQUIRE SOME PROFESSIONAL MICRODEBRIDING WITH CURETTE-SCRAPING, A SHEARING BY ROTATING RAZOR BLADE OR  ELECTROCAUTERY/COBLATION.   SURGEONS MAY OFFER  DEEP THROAT DISCOUNTS, WHEN THESE PROCEDURES ARE SCHEDULED WITH FORESKIN CIRCUMCISION OR EAR & NASAL PIERCING.....

MY POTTERY/SCULPTURE CLASS RUBENESQUE PORTRAIT OF ALISON MCLAUGHLIN, SEATED....HANGING OUT WITH AN AUSTRIAN, ART NOUVEAU 'NAKED LADY' CUT FLOWER/STEM HOLDER ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE

Who's the 'culprit' that sent me this Religious 'Self-Help' Book? You should have sent me the jewelled Jesus Brooch!

  

I received, via mail, from an anonymous 'sender', a  copy of Matthew Kelly's "Holy Moments, A Handbook for the Rest of Your Life."…

Let's see.....'Who would have sent this proselytizing book to me??

"I'll get back with you, as soon as the (croquet) game is over...."

1879's messaging, via 'the horn' while temporarily engaged with early, experimental  fantasy television.....still in the formative stages...... then, 'widescreen' viewing would have been a bit of stretch..

DAME MARY QUANT'S 1965 PANTS' FABRIC AND PANTS FROM THE BASEMENT HANGERS.......FOR THAT 'MOD HIPPE LOOK'.......

                   

               I'LL ADMIT, THOUGH......SPECTACULARLY HANDSOME JARED LETO WOULD HAVE "WORN IT 'BETTER" THAN I, LAST EVENING.......MY 'GETUP' WAS  A QUILTED BODICE AND CUFF PUNJABI PANTS WITH PENCIL 'OVER-THE-SHOULDER' STRAPS,  MADE FROM THIS FABRIC,   A LATER VINTAGE REVERSIBLE  'COLISEUM' BLOUSE/SHIRT, IN 'IVORY',  WITH TEXTURED ALUMINUM BUTTONS, THROUGH BLACK-STITCHED BUTTON HOLES.....AND IVORY IKEA PLASTIC SHOWER SHOES.....

A 12-stone Hippie Ring to 'go with' the Hippie pants..

'

DISCOVERING A JEWELLED GOLD BUG, STILL....HARMLESSLY....... ATTACHED TO A WOOLEN JACKET.....

WAS MUCH MORE 'FUN' THAN FINDING A CASHMERE SWEATER, DEVOURED BY 'REAL' MOTHS.......

MERLIN, THE UNDISCOVERED POTENTIALLY GREAT FELINE ARTIST, NOW PREMATURALLY DECEASED, MAY BE RECOGNIZED BY WORLD ART CRITICS FOR HIS SHREDDED LEATHER 'WORK'...IN THE NEAR FUTURE.....

My cat friend, Merlin, was sitting on my desk, tearing a paper towel that I wiped up some gravy with...into small pieces..........I think I may transform his sculptural brilliance, with some contact glue, into a Masterpiece...then sell it on EBAY, as a collaboration between Veristes and Merlin...... Merlin must have very inspired  that day, as he was , moments later, working on his next Opus, a totally transformed roll of toilet paper, already unrolled, covering a bathroom floor......."Big deal," I remarked to him...."any cat can do this!" ....as Merlin eyed the soft leather chair, just feet away....meowing, "you dumb humans just wipe your asses with valuable art materials....duh".   

A JUNK STORE'S 'JUNQUE' BECOMES THE RENT CHECK......NOT JUST ONCE, BUT A SECOND TIME!

Another, long gone, aquatint by Belgian artist, Jean-Michel Folon....discarded by an insurance company after it was replaced, having been lost in shipment from The Lefebre Gallery to some unknown recipient....and ending up at Peachtree Salvage Center in Brookhaven, where, on a luncheon outing from my job at Saks, and spying it against a wall of old movie posters, I purchased it for $8.........a few years later, I sold it for some real bucks, to pay the apartment rent, since I was bed-bound and relatively immobilized by hepatitis.......I guess this is what I REALLY attended College to learn how to 'do'.......A couple of years later, I did a 'trade' with my friend Norman Lindsay Patterson, who had purchased 'the other Folon....at the same junk store, ironically'....and traded it to my landlord, Jack Hotchkins,  in place of the rent check for  4 Flea Market Booths at the Atlanta Flea Market......   Another example of the 'relativity of perspective'.......the 'back' of a Picasso etching.....blacked out and discarded....retrieved from the illustrious artist's trash can, then matted, framed and sold......for thousands of bucks. After the Antonio Banderas Picasso Biopic, values of even Picasso's 'trash' skyrocketed........In the late 1960's I bought two large Picasso etchings [that I found in a barrel of rolled up wallpaper at....again..... Peachtree Quality Salvage] of the artist, masturbating as he sketched nude models..... $8, for the pair.... I sold them to my friend, antiques dealer, Hal Chamberlain, for $4000, thinking Hal was nuts to offer me so much for them........Then, many times, I've come across this kind of "stuff" for several times this amount.....Go Figure......What's in 'a Name'......apparently, much of anything's value.....I remember the painting that was sold, decades ago, at Sotheby's......that was discovered to have been 'created' by a monkey, flinging its own feces at a canvas.........."The work of a Genius", Gallery owners and collectors declared!

I've given 4 harmonicas to friends, over the past few years, but have not heard a single note from any of them, since......They can get their own brushes if they 'want' to paint......

ANTI-GRAVITY, FLOATING SPEAKER/MOOD LAMP WITH MY HALF-CENTURY OLD BANG & OLUFSEN RECEIVER....

 

EAT YOUR HEART OUT CAPTAIN PICARD!.....THE DANES WERE AHEAD OF THE TECH GAME, WEREN'T THEY?   THIS GIZMO, WITH MULTIPLE SINGLE STATION FM TUNERS,  STILL WORKS!   

MY WATER KETTLE POSING AS 'KORT' .......SUCK SOME STEEL, LOCK MARTIN!

Klaatu must have dropped the cheese grater on his arm......t'warnt me......  Hand me an extra-large band-Aid, Helen, before Kort does in the kitchen; and shut down that eye before the kettle goes 'dry'.......  While you're at it, inform Frank Zappa that my kettle isn't his  Model XQJ-37 Nuclear-powered, pan-sexual Roto-Plooker  Sy Borg,  'Romeo'.   It's these heated incidents that test World Sagacity as apologetic passivity is steamed-up by uncontained, tumultuous aggression.   So much for 'putting a lid on it'!   

WHERE?....IF ANYWHERE......MAY ONE PURCHASE BOOZE IN THIS ARTSY BOTTLE!!

THE 'DEVICES' THAT, IN "BRINGING US CLOSER TOGETHER", BROUGHT US "FURTHER APART".....

In 1960, kids wanted 'walkie-talkies', so that they might converse, wirelessly, with others who were nearby.....and, even then, were rewarded by the prestige ascribed to....earlier....only soldiers in combat zones.....Alas, 'callers' could only call other huge 'mobile devices' that were on 'their wavelengths'.....and, just yards away....Phones, like 'Wally's' , such as The SCR-536 Handie-Talkie, were the Modern Walkie-Talkie’s Finicky Ancestors before the ubiquitous acquisition of 'cell phones' . (Despite the radio’s short-lived battery, limited range, and 3-foot antenna, more than 130,000 of them were used in World War II.) This old, heavy, bulky, cumbersome will have been constantly supplanted with smaller, lighter, longer-range, cheaper 'appliances', in the not-so-distant-Future.....by, I'm sure, tiny...very tiny.....implanted mobile communication Devices......that may, in the coming decade or two, be 'required by Law'.....that every human being might be tracked and easily located in the larger, planned Syllogistically Orwellian Schemata....

Average, middle-class American "1960's" Couple......bored, staring at the wall where their planned 21" Motorola 'Color' cathode ray television 'set' will, inevitably, be positioned.....to displace their ennui with the massive waves of idiocy that will soon divert their predictable, prescribed, passive attention.....and 'take up' ...with mobile phone activity......over half of the average person's waking time....

Now.....that's 'better'.......reducing intelligent interaction within a Family.....also, reducing Conflict by diverting attention to 'what's on TV' rather than real, interpersonal, transactional relationships.....

GRANDMOTHER'S OLD IRON, PEDAL-OPERATED SINGER WITH A FOLDING OAK TOP...

Mother lugged this ancient sewing machine home after Grandmother died......Then, decades later, I lugged it to Atlanta, thinking that I would utilize it.......Eventually, I gave the machine away, after purchasing a used portable Project Runway Singer Machine, with a 'button-hole attachment',  from PR's first season.......which I have also not utilized.....It must have been 'just' the memory associations that the old 'Singer' excavated.....I still have clothing, from my childhood, that was produced on this 'machine'......as well as some needles and old thread-wound bobbins and several pairs of Grantmother's old sizzors.........Don't tempt me with a modern, electric device.....I think that I am a 'hand-sewing' kind of guy........

The 'Mystery Man', Brian Jourbet came up in a conversation: "what happened to....?"......He was once the 'most wanted' sexy skater....

Here..... Brian, being 'admired' by two of his top competitors, Stéphane Lambiel and Johnny Weir..... 

WHAT'S BEHIND ALL THOSE 'PERFECT TEETH' THAT EVERYONE, NOW, SEEMS TO 'NEED TO HAVE'?

                 BEHIND ALL THOSE EXPENSIVE CROWNS, VENEERS AND IMPLANTS...THERE'S A LOT OF METAL.....I WAS JUST WONDERING 'HOW TO ALL THESE TEETHY SMILERS MAKE IT PAST THE METAL DETECTORS AT AIR PORTS?'